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Master these three things to get the love that you want!

When people don't master these three

things they end up

 

1 attracting emotionally unavailable people

2 they find themselves that they block love altogether

3 and they find that they end up attracting toxic partners which are familiar patterns from the past

 

In this video I’m going to show you the three things you must master so that you can be in that love frequency you want

 

Emotional unavailability

 

You must master becoming emotionally available

 

If you find yourself dating someone that's

checked out

if you find yourself dating someone

that's not present

 

This is an energy that is mirroring back at you, this is a projection.

 

This stems back to childhood

What you'll find is that unless you look

at this within yourself

and become aware the patterns. You are not going to be able to change.

 

Who did you have to become for your parents to get their you love and affection?

 

When one of your siblings was born

maybe the attention shifted to them.

 

In that moment when the attention shifted it felt like I’m not worthy. I’m not good enough.

 

Maybe I’m not worth having the attention.

 

And this is just an example, people experience this in many different ways.

 

 

Think about this. If you are uncomfortable with attention. For example, at parties, maybe even your birthday you don’t like people singing happy birthday to you because everyone is looking at you.

 

Think about instances when all the attention is on you. Does that make you uncomfortable?

 

Then think about when you were a little kid. How did you had to try to get attention? From whom?

Because if you are used to have to fight for it,

there is a belief of unworthiness.

 

One of the most powerful things you can do, if you find yourself attracting emotionally unavailable people is realize that you may feel more comfortable with this because is more familiar having people that's not choosing you.

 

Or you may be familiar with this cat and mouse game.

 

Where there's a co-dependent behavior where you're chasing someone else's validation or approval.

 

And it stems from childhood.

 

One of the strongest ways to heal that energy is to look at your own patterns and become aware of them.

 

When you look at that, then you start to wake up then you start to realize do I want to keep feeding this paradigm?

 

Emotional unavailability is a projection that says you are emotionally unavailable yourself.

 

The key to this is making the choice to open

the heart, making the choice to go into the

unfamiliar emotions.

 

Having somebody that is emotionally available will

feel kind of weird. It will feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

 

You might find it like there's layers to it to getting deeper and deeper into the emotions.

 

Do you find that dating people that are crazy about you is like, no thank you. They are too needy, they like me too much.

 

Maybe those are the ones that are available but you are not attracted because you don’t have to chase them.

 

The second and third thing that you must master is vulnerability and authenticity.

 

When you realized that there is a belief that you are unworthy (because you did not get the attention you needed and deserved) a lot of times there's a level of shame. Because if you are undeserving of love and attention the thought is there is something wrong with me. I’m broken. That is shame.

 

And what a lot of us do, which is normal by the way, is to constantly prove to others how much value there is in us.

 

So, we become someone. We become someone big, someone important. See, you see my value?

 

So, when someone likes us immediately, and we don’t need to fight for them, and we don’t need to prove our value, they become unattractive to us.

 

Another side effects of shame is either being a people pleaser or a nice guy.

 

What that means is we turn to somebody else for the validation or the approval.

 

If you feel like if you let people down you are going to feel their disapproval.

 

What is important to realize with this is the nice guy and the people pleaser which we think it’s nice but what it is really it's manipulation.

 

Think about it.

I’m going to be nice to you, I’m going to be this certain way to you and you're going to give me

validation and approval as an exchange.

 

Because if somebody doesn't give you

what you want normally you won't be that way.

 

That’s the difference between being nice and being kind.

 

To be nice is I am nice because I want something I want a certain response or reaction being kind is who I am, it's a part of my identity.

 

 

One of the keys to shifting out of the paradigm of nice guy people pleaser into being authentic  you have to switch around your values

 

You have to look at your values and realize

 

Do I value what other people think

of me more than I value me being in my own energy?

 

The reason I share this is because this is perhaps

one of the most powerful transformative things

people can ever do.

 

Remember

 

Beliefs create reality.

 

If I believe I’m unworthy, then I’ll experience a

reality that's equal to me being unworthy.

 

It’s important to understood that values are the virtue of your identity.

 

Yeah, you should treat people the way you want to be treated but when it's attached to the outcome,  when being nice is attached to getting people's validation and approval it’s manipulation and that's when it turns into a slippery slope

 

Vulnerability

 

Vulnerability needs to become a part of your identity.

It needs to be a part of your virtues.

 

So, what we need to do is start valuing authenticity

and vulnerability because remember shame does not want to have the light shown on it.

 

Vulnerability is the ability to express yourself, vulnerability is the ability to show yourself knowing that maybe there is a chance you could get rejected or there could be some disapproval.

 

But guess what?  It's authentic and that’s a game changer.

 

To shift this energy be very upfront, be yourself.

 

For example, if you are dating someone who is into fitness but you are not don’t try to change yourself to fit in with them. And say so.

Say, I admire this so much about you but that’s not me.

 

Because at the end of the day being into fitness does not define who you are. There are fantastic people into fitness and there are jerks into fitness.

 

That’s just a very small part of the things that you like or not like to do. That’s not who you are.

 

So, master these three things

Be emotionally available

Be vulnerable

Be authentic

 

Your life and your relationships will change forever!

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